5 tips to help you Stop being the ALPHA parent

It is Monday morning and the weeks craziness begins. You wake up and put your hair in a pony tail grab a quick coffee and start to make breakfast and school lunches. You want to workout but know that the house is just about to wake up and you relish in the last few minutes of silence you have until chaos ensues.

Then it starts, your week of self inflicted insanity. Lunches are made breakfast is done - no time to get the dishes done and you know you'll regret leaving them until later but there is nothing you can do about it as you are OUT of time. You didn't get to wash your hair but your kids are all spick 'n' span ready to go out the door to meet the bus. They have the "right" clothing choices for the days weather as you checked while folding the laundry and signing the kids homework sheets and writing the school a note cause you have to pick up one of your kids or a doctors appointment later in the day. Kids are now on the bus and you start to drive out of the driveway when you realize that you forgot to let the dog out and top up its water and food for the day. You hop out of the car, run back inside let the dog out and feed him then you remember you forgot to eat - so you grab a muffin to go. Meanwhile, your spouse is casually getting up and enjoying a quiet cup of coffee; Seemingly oblivious to everything that you just did and went through.

STOP IT!!!

You need to start to do the following ASAP!!!  You will be no good to anyone if you burn yourself out. Letting go of the reigns will be hard on you AS WELL as your partner who has become accustomed to you doing it all.....

1. Even thought you know you can handle everything, sit down with you partner and talk about dividing things up such as chores, cooking and shopping etc. Make a list, you are good at that (which you can rotate though so not one person is doing the same thing each and every week)
2. Make lunch prep a FAMILY event the NIGHT BEFORE - get everyone involved in making their own lunches. While you are at it - allow everyone to sort and fold and put away their clean laundry. Kids can do a lot more than you give them credit for. FYI folding doesn't have to be perfect, let it go.
3. Don't be so high strung on being the one to do all the Doctors/Dentist/Hair appointments - divvy them up. I know you are worried you wont get proper feedback on what the doctor actually said - don't worry you'll all live. (if super worried ask your partner to take notes, I know you are saying "Ya Right!" - again LET IT GO)
4. Rotate daycare/school drops offs, you deserve a quiet coffee in the morning too!!!
5. Treat yourself to the following recharging things at least a few times a week; Coffee with a friend, Gym time, Spa time, or if the budget just doesn't allow for those things then a nice long QUIET walk a few nights a week. Maybe around homework time (wink wink)

Remember that leaving the kids with your partner is NOT consider babysitting!! You need to take care of yourself first, then everyone else.

Relax and enjoy life as it is not a dress rehearsal, stop putting all this unnecessary pressure on yourself, it is after all self inflicted and wont get corrected unless you decide to correct it.

Believe me, BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!! Learn from my mistakes.... 

Signed, a previously burnt out Mom



I Choose the Roller Coaster Ride



by PositivePeopleArmy on April 7, 2016
 

Posted in All Posts, Army Member Posts, Heidi's Post, PPA Founders's Posts

It always starts with a feeling.
Something isn’t right, and I can’t figure out what.  I’m so anxious I can barely sit still.
It keeps me up at night, pacing and pondering. Days pass, but the feeling does not.
And then all of a sudden the answer will come to me.
The situation is always different but the conclusion I reach is always the same: I need to make a change. A big one.
Some call it intuition. I’ve followed it many times in my life, and it has never lead me astray.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself, it’s that sometimes I need to make radical changes in order to be truly happy.  I have no choice.
It can be really scary, to leave a marriage or a highly successful career, but every time I’ve followed that feeling my life has transformed for the better.
That feeling has come back. It’s tugging at my insides even as I type this.
When I launched the Positive People Army, it ignited a fire in me. I’d always known that I wanted to make a difference and spread positivity, and this blog became how I would do that. Or at least a great start.
I labeled it my Passion Project.
As the weeks passed, more and more people started reading, sharing, and following. Some folks even decided to join in and submit their own articles.
The blog was flourishing. The army was growing.
I should have felt pure joy. But the more the blog grew, the more angst I started to feel. Why did I feel this way?
Writing and sharing positive energy was exactly why I created the Positive People Army, and I was getting exactly what I wanted.
So what was I missing?
It reminded me of something that happened when my eldest son was about to turn 18.
As his birthday approached, a strange uneasiness began to come over me. I just couldn’t put my finger on why.
Then one day the answer came to me. Or rather, it was thrust into my face.
During an argument my son actually yelled, “You’re not the boss of me anymore!”
My heart sank, and I suddenly understood what had been making me so uncomfortable.
It was the thought of his impending transition into adulthood. He was going from someone who needed their mother to someone who didn’t.
Throughout Michael’s life I’ve tried my best to readjust and grow as a parent, but this particular circumstance was very different.
Since the time he was born I had made every decision in his life. I picked the food he ate and the clothes he wore. I decided which school he went to and what extracurricular activities he would enjoy.
In essence I was the manager of his life. It truly was the best job I could ever have asked for. But he no longer needed or wanted a supervisor.
I couldn’t get his words out of my head. You’re not the boss of me anymore. They echoed through my mind for days.
After many sleepless nights I finally admitted my discomfort to my husband. I told him how saddened I was to be losing Michael.
He looked at me sympathetically, held my hand and said, “Sweetheart you will never lose Michael, he loves you so much. You just need to readjust your role and probably give yourself a new title and the two of you will be just fine.”
His words hit me like a sack of bricks. He was right!
Why had I thought I would ever lose my son?  All I had to do was modify how I was parenting and give myself a new label.

With that thought I decided to retire as Manager of Michael’s Childhood. I then gave myself the fancy new title, Consultant to His Adulthood. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
And it was a simple change that worked.
Michael is now 20 years old and both of us have settled into our new roles quite well.
Remembering this moment helped me realize that maybe I needed help finding the answers, like my husband had helped me regarding Michael.
A number of days later I ran into a wonderful friend I hadn’t seen in a while. I’ve got a lot of those.
The moment she saw me she started gushing about the blog.  She shared her favourite stories and congratulated me on releasing such a positive force into the world.
I blushed and thanked her for her kind words. Then I sighed and confessed that I was feeling some unease about it, but had no idea why.
We talked about how I felt writing the posts and how much it meant to me to receive others people’s stories. She asked me what my hopes and dreams were for the Positive People Army.
Then the most amazing thing happened. I got the answer.
While I was speaking to her I unintentionally changed the mental label I had given the blog from my Passion Project to My Life’s Project.
The moment I said it I stopped myself. My entire body shuddered and I could feel goosebumps rising on my skin.
“O.M.G.” I said to her. “I think I just discovered why I’ve felt so funny. I want the blog to be more than just a hobby. I hadn’t even realized this until I said it!”
My girlfriend laughed and said, “I guess you need to start figuring out what that means and get to work on making it a reality.”
It’s terrifying to admit something like this out loud, even more so to actually write it down. But I know deep down that if I don’t, it won’t happen. Without people knowing what I want, the opportunities will never be offered to me.
I struggled to write this post for almost a week, afraid to put it out there in the universe, but I just had to do it.
And within 24 hours of me writing the first draft I was emailed and asked to do my first radio interview about the Army.  The universe had answered me in record time. It was an amazing sign and an incredible start to this journey I have ahead of me!
Once again, making a mental change had made all the difference in the world.
I realize this won’t happen overnight, and I could either be incredibly successful or fail miserably.
The way I look at it, I need to decide what kind of life I want. Do I want my life to be a carousel, going round and round in a predictable pattern? Or do I want my life to be an unpredictable roller coaster ride, joyous, scary, and beautiful?
In my heart I know there’s only one real choice. I choose the roller coaster, and I’m going to ride it with my hands up.
Watch out world, it’s time for the Positive People Army to become a phenomenon.
Join the army and let’s make a difference together!
***
Check out the CKTB Radio Interview 
To read more about the signs that have happened in my life check out “If You Build It…”
Sign up for all Army updates and stories and check out more stories at All Posts

My Unconventional Family Teaches Me the True Meaning of Family

by PositivePeopleArmy on April 5, 2016


I love Family Day.
It’s a Canadian holiday that occurs during the same weekend as President’s Day in the US. It was created to give people a chance to spend more time with those they cherish most, and that’s exactly what many of us do.
I plan something every year to celebrate it. It’s become one of my favourite days of the year, always a blissful time with my two boys and my amazing husband, Mike.
It also always reminds me of the day I learned the true meaning of family.
Right after finishing university, I got married and enrolled in a college to get some more hands-on education. While going to school, I also worked in a group home for adults with mental and physical disabilities.
It was there that I met Terry, a 38 year-old man with Down syndrome. He had the mental capacity of someone around five years old, and one of the biggest hearts of anyone I’ve ever met.
Unlike many of the other residents, Terry hadn’t grown up in facility housing.  He’d always lived with his mom and dad, up until they passed away. I could see that the drastic change in lifestyle was difficult for him to adjust to.
We quickly formed a bond. I’d look forward to seeing him every day. We’d often have coffee and donuts together, or dance to club music in the living room, two of Terry’s favourite activities. He was funny, caring, and loved the Three Stooges. He was my friend.
Two years flew by. During the week of my college graduation, my first husband and I learned that we were expecting a baby. As the months passed and my delivery date grew closer, I felt both happy and sad. Though thrilled that I would soon be a mother, I knew that once I was on maternity leave, I wouldn’t get to see Terry regularly anymore.
Then it hit me. I should just take Terry home to live with me.
I know it sounds crazy, maybe just a result of all the pregnancy hormones. All I knew was it was the right decision.
After countless conversations and a towering stack of paperwork, a 40 year-old, five foot, stocky Ukrainian man with Down syndrome moved into my house.
When Terry first moved in with me, his skills and vocabulary weren’t the best. His parents had done pretty much everything for him, and even in the group home it had been largely the same.
I knew that with a baby on the way, I had to start teaching Terry more life skills. It was a slow process, but he was gradually catching on to the basics, day by day. I never felt frustrated, because it just felt right to have his beautiful energy in the house.
When Michael was born, Terry immediately fell in love with him, and affectionately nicknamed him Bugaboo. A funny name that stuck for years.
Michael’s first year was wonderful, and Terry was right by his side for everything. To my surprise, Terry was absorbing everything I was teaching Michael.
As the years passed, Michael and Terry became inseparable. They were the very best of friends. And just as Michael’s abilities increased, so did Terry’s. They learned a lot from each other.
We never really discussed who Terry was in our lives, and Michael never thought to ask. Terry had just always been there, eternal and beloved.
When strangers would ask Michael if he had any siblings, he would respond, “No, but I have a Terry!”  It was cute.
Then one day, when we were out getting Michael’s haircut, something happened that forever changed the way I thought about family.

While the stylist cut his hair, she asked him questions like, Are you in School? What grade are you in? Do you like your teacher? He confidently answered all her questions with his adorable little voice.
And then she asked him if he had any brothers and sisters.  Michael responded, “Yes I do. I have a brother named Terry and he’s forty-five years old!”
“Forty-five!” the hairstylist responded, confused. “Don’t you mean four or five years old?”
“Nope, he’s forty-five!”
I looked up from the magazine I was reading. I laughed, but as I thought about his answer, I realized the significance of what he’d just said.
On the drive home I asked Michael why he told the hairstylist that Terry was his brother. In a very matter-of-fact way, he said, “Because he is and I love him.”
I was dumbfounded by his incredibly profound answer. I drove home speechless, tears rolling down my face.
Without being taught or told, my five year-old had figured out that we were a family.
From that day forward I introduced Terry as Michael’s brother. Some of the looks and questions I received over the years were hilarious.
Terry lived with us for over thirteen amazing years. In that time I watched Michael quickly evolve into the role of big brother, even though Terry was forty years his senior. Michael read to him, protected him, cared for him, and watched him grow older. They were truly brothers.
We all miss Terry a lot, but what he brought to our family can never be replaced. He taught us that family doesn’t just exist in the DNA. Family is a feeling. Family is love.
Since Terry left us, we continued growing our family unconventionally.  Many of Michael’s friends have lived in our house at times, and all of them are considered close family members. Though they’ve left the nest and moved on, they’re still in our lives, and still in our hearts.
For Family Day this year, I arranged for my family to celebrate at a new restaurant that had just opened.
To my great surprise, as the afternoon progressed, all the friends who have called our house a home stopped by, one by one, to celebrate this day with us.
As I sat there listening to everyone joke and share stories, I thought about Terry and the gift he brought our family.
I may only have a small family, technically speaking, but in reality it’s larger than life and still growing!


Written by Heidi (Founder of the Positive People Army)


http://www.positivepeoplearmy.com/my-next-journey/

7 Tips to keep your attitude in check

Attitude!! – best described as a state on mind. Our state of mind can go into a negative frame or a positive flow.  Whichever way it goes makes a huge difference to how we feel about things around us. With a negative flow, we start to build a case about what is not working in our lives and with a positive flow, we look for opportunities to make life work for us.  Besides a state of mind, with colder, longer days we can easily feel down and despondent. The lack of sunshine can lead to lack of energy and chutzpah.
Here are a few things you can do to keep your attitude in check before the mind takes over and possibly heads in the wrong direction.

1. Light therapy: can have a dramatic effect on your well being. Yellow light stimulates intellect while Turquoise helps mental relaxation. Red generates enthusiasm while blue has an overall calming effect. How to do light therapy? Get different color bulbs and go into a closed room and have the color bulb shed its glow.
2. Keeping up appearances: go for your hair appointment, do your nails, have a massage or whatever else makes you feel good.
3. Reflexology: A good old fashion foot massage that targets areas of the body and promotes full body circulation promotes feelings of well being.
4. Fresh air: get outside and go for a walk, even a 10 minute walk can help.
5. Be creative: Paint a picture, redecorate a dull room, even changing the furniture around can stir up some good vibes.
6. Do something for someone else: Volunteering is a wonderful way to give back to your community and feel good about it; get the whole family involved.
7. Exercise: The feeling you can get after a good workout is just awesome; exercising releases positive endorphins and that is always a good thing to keep up a positive attitude.

The trick to a good attitude is focusing on positive things in your life and catching yourself before you get into a negative funk. Keep positive and pay attention to where your mind goes.  Please share your thoughts as well as any additional suggestions you may have to get through the winter months with a positive attitude.