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I have wasted so much time

I can't believe I am in my mid 40's!! I feel like I was just at my mothers surprise 50th Birthday party (I remember thinking wow that is old) and yet that was some 20+ yrs ago and here I am almost 50. It feels like a blink, a dream even. Yet there were 24 hours in each day passing each week, month and year. That's about what, 175,200 hours that passed me by - wow. Did I use that time wisely? Did I make sufficient memories? Did I take "it" all in?

Where did the time go?

I will tell you where....worrying, feeling like I should do more, were the kids happy, was my husband happy, what should I make the kids for lunch today?, Would other moms approve of how I parent?, When the kids get older I'll live my life. Are there enough Christmas gifts under the tree?, I need to get rid of this 10 lbs. How are we going to afford the mortgage this month?, My in-laws, they intrude too much. When I have enough money I'll travel. Unexpected company came over and asked to use the bathroom but I hadn't cleaned it, I'm so embarrassed!, I should be more involved in my kids school. Why don't the kids and or my husband clean up after themselves, don't they now by now how "I" like things around here?, Why did I have that piece of cake?, Sex, no thanks too busy thinking about all that I have to do to be able to think about THAT!, Clean your room, another friggin sink full of dishes, really!!!, We never seem to have enough money, Did we invite enough kids to the birthday party?, Urgh, another party to host, Am I fat? and on and on and on.....You get the picture. Right?

......and you now what? I am still here - now in this very moment, despite all that worry all that doubt all the energy put into so many insignificant things, so much precious time wasted. Time passed by regardless of how I felt, regardless of how I spent it, regardless if the house was clean or not. The kids were fed, mortgages were met, Christmas was awesome, dishes got done, people used a dirty bathroom, Sex was had, other parents thought I was doing a pretty good job.

So here I am 40 (something) one kid moved out for some time now and one on the way out to College. I have a huge house filled with what, furniture, trinkets, that don't mean a dam thing!!! When all I'd love is to have more time.....more time with them, more, One more story Mommy, more I spilled my milk Mommy, I had an accident Mommy, One more kiss before bed Mommy, one more I love you Mommy.

Thank God I have had an awakening and can put all that BS aside and just focus on them, myself and my husband with a different perspective, one of clarity of what is really important and what I truly want to SPEND my time on.

Life is far too short ....

Life is far to short and far too quick you have heard this time and time again from so many people because it is TRUE! Time to stop worrying about things that don't matter one bit. Embrace the here and now, do not cry over spilled milk, spoil your spouse and not your kids, wear the nice lingerie just because, use the nice dishes, let the kids stay up and snuggle with them. Time will pass regardless and you will find yourself older and believe you me it happens in the blink of an eye.

Don't sweat the small stuff like I did. Enjoy your life for what that means to you.

How will you SPEND your time?

I have wasted so much time

I can't believe I am in my mid 40's!! I feel like I was just at my mothers surprise 50th Birthday party (I remember thinking wow that is old) and yet that was some 20+ yrs ago and here I am almost 50. It feels like a blink, a dream even. Yet there were 24 hours in each day passing each week, month and year. That's about what, 175,200 hours that passed me by - wow. Did I use that time wisely? Did I make sufficient memories? Did I take "it" all in?

Where did the time go?

I will tell you where....worrying, feeling like I should do more, were the kids happy, was my husband happy, what should I make the kids for lunch today?, Would other moms approve of how I parent?, When the kids get older I'll live my life. Are there enough Christmas gifts under the tree?, I need to get rid of this 10 lbs. How are we going to afford the mortgage this month?, My in-laws, they intrude too much. When I have enough money I'll travel. Unexpected company came over and asked to use the bathroom but I hadn't cleaned it, I'm so embarrassed!, I should be more involved in my kids school. Why don't the kids and or my husband clean up after themselves, don't they now by now how "I" like things around here?, Why did I have that piece of cake?, Sex, no thanks too busy thinking about all that I have to do to be able to think about THAT!, Clean your room, another friggin sink full of dishes, really!!!, We never seem to have enough money, Did we invite enough kids to the birthday party?, Urgh, another party to host, Am I fat? and on and on and on.....You get the picture. Right?

......and you now what? I am still here - now in this very moment, despite all that worry all that doubt all the energy put into so many insignificant things, so much precious time wasted. Time passed by regardless of how I felt, regardless of how I spent it, regardless if the house was clean or not. The kids were fed, mortgages were met, Christmas was awesome, dishes got done, people used a dirty bathroom, Sex was had, other parents thought I was doing a pretty good job.

So here I am 40 (something) one kid moved out for some time now and one on the way out to College. I have a huge house filled with what, furniture, trinkets, that don't mean a dam thing!!! When all I'd love is to have more time.....more time with them, more, One more story Mommy, more I spilled my milk Mommy, I had an accident Mommy, One more kiss before bed Mommy, one more I love you Mommy.

Thank God I have had an awakening and can put all that BS aside and just focus on them, myself and my husband with a different perspective, one of clarity of what is really important and what I truly want to SPEND my time on.

Life is far too short ....

Life is far to short and far too quick you have heard this time and time again from so many people because it is TRUE! Time to stop worrying about things that don't matter one bit. Embrace the here and now, do not cry over spilled milk, spoil your spouse and not your kids, wear the nice lingerie just because, use the nice dishes, let the kids stay up and snuggle with them. Time will pass regardless and you will find yourself older and believe you me it happens in the blink of an eye.

Don't sweat the small stuff like I did. Enjoy your life for what that means to you.

How will you SPEND your time?

Forgive your parents by not living in the past, your future is NOT there

So often I have had discussions with people who are constantly complaining about their upbringing or complaining about someone who had a hard upbringing and I think to myself how very sad it is. I know an almost 60 year old that constantly reflect on things from 45 + years prior and just can't shake it, despite therapy!!! If they (you) are a parent yourself you will know how very difficult that job is and you yourself have tried your best - you never said you were perfect right? - so why not extend that very same reasoning to your parents? They never claimed to be perfect, they too (I am sure) tried their best at raising you. You don't fully know their story, you don't know their why or why not's. Cut them some slack whether you believe they deserve it or not.

 

 

Letting go of toxic people in your life (even family) may be necessary, but once you have done that MOVE on!!! Stop reliving things that hurt you - it is 1) Unhealthy and keeps you stuck and 2) Prevents you from enjoying your present and future.

 

 

 

We choose the thoughts we allow into our head - but like working out a muscle in the gym we too can workout a new way to think and process our feelings. Start by forgiving your parents, then change your unhealthy repetitive thoughts and replace them with happier memories and positive thoughts - YES it will take time AND effort on your part but eventually you will start to see some changes - life it too short to be stuck in the past.

 

Keep this blog as a reminder to keep moving forward - also keep it for your own kids as they may need it too!! Wink Wink.......

 

Forgive and move on.....your future happiness depends on it.

 

 

 

 



 

 



Although I am sympathetic, I am tired of being politically correct on a certain issue, here is why...

I am getting increasingly despondent by the fact that I feel it necessary to start off some of my blogs with a disclaimer, and yet here I go again.


DISCLAIMER: Please STOP reading the following blog and refer to this disclaimer when you start to get offended with what you are reading.


I would like the readers to take note that first and foremost I am a caring, loving, open minded individual who has the RIGHT to feel and think things as I please. I also have the right to write this blog; knowing that there will be those who think differently than I do, and I am ok with that as that is THEIR right too. I am in NO way writing this blog to offend anyone!!! I am writing it as a means to vent my personal frustration around certain current events!


Gender neutral restrooms:

There you have it, the source of my current frustration! This topic is being discussed/debated just about EVERYWHERE.


I want to get something straight right out of the gate in order to deflect some people out there who may want to rip a strip outta me. I am all for human rights, Duh!! Mine included. I am all for people to feel safe and welcome into the place where they are about to urinate and defecate. I am... really!!!


I am NOT okay with using the bathroom facilities with men. PERIOD. I just am not okay with that. Sometimes we ladies use the washroom to get away from men (on a 1st date perhaps or otherwise). We go there to fix ourselves up, chat with other ladies, check secretly for boogers and even toot (lol) etc...but, frankly speaking I am not even okay with "using the toilet" with other women around. Using the bathroom is a very private and yes rather disgusting - sometimes noisy and stinky situation and I rather do it completely solo to be honest. Although sometimes during the course of the month being in the ladies room can be a challenge to which other ladies will only be able to relate. You know when your monthly visitor decides to arrive a few days earlier than expected and you rely on the sisterhood of another women, "Um excuse me, can you kindly get me a tampon from the dispenser?" Can you imagine asking a random guy to help out with that?, as he is grunting and groaning in the stall next to you having a poop with no courtesy flush involved, or doing something even more nasty, Ahem. The thought makes me rather ill actually.

What it might feel like to me

It just doesn't seen right, I mean what is next gender neutral change rooms in all the department stores? No thanks! But that's a whole different ball of wax. Or is it?


Then there are schools; did you all forget how awful kids can be in school. Let alone opening up the door to having them ALL using the same facilities. Lord what a potential Pandora's box!!!


Now to walk on egg shells.....


I am sympathetic to those who are transgender, I really am. I am not oblivious to their plight (for lack of a better word). I just feel the issue is bigger than just the bathroom, or the bathroom is bigger than the issue, which ever way you want to refer to it. We should be considering ALL people and ALL feelings of EVERYONE.


YOU PERFECT POLITICALLY CORRECT PEOPLE SHAKING YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW, PLEASE READ THE DISCLAIMER ABOVE....


Ok, carrying on. Now if the facilities were "completely enclosed and private" for each individual then ok - no problem (well, less of a problem actually, but still ewe). If they are the way they are currently (stalls, open at the top and bottom) then I have an issue with it.

You know this would happen

 In the washroom we are all vulnerable (heck we are half naked doing our business) whether you are a man or woman a boy or a girl, shit happens (pardon the pun) there will always be that not so nice individual that may be somewhat off their rocker. It is best for the majority (in my old fashion, humble opinion) that the washroom situation remain as it is, separate. ***If a person has made the transition, then great - I welcome you :)


But NO men in the ladies room please!!!!!

There are after all family facilities and individual washrooms for those of us that require extra privacy - myself included.

Thanks for reading :)

5 tips to help you Stop being the ALPHA parent

It is Monday morning and the weeks craziness begins. You wake up and put your hair in a pony tail grab a quick coffee and start to make breakfast and school lunches. You want to workout but know that the house is just about to wake up and you relish in the last few minutes of silence you have until chaos ensues.

Then it starts, your week of self inflicted insanity. Lunches are made breakfast is done - no time to get the dishes done and you know you'll regret leaving them until later but there is nothing you can do about it as you are OUT of time. You didn't get to wash your hair but your kids are all spick 'n' span ready to go out the door to meet the bus. They have the "right" clothing choices for the days weather as you checked while folding the laundry and signing the kids homework sheets and writing the school a note cause you have to pick up one of your kids or a doctors appointment later in the day. Kids are now on the bus and you start to drive out of the driveway when you realize that you forgot to let the dog out and top up its water and food for the day. You hop out of the car, run back inside let the dog out and feed him then you remember you forgot to eat - so you grab a muffin to go. Meanwhile, your spouse is casually getting up and enjoying a quiet cup of coffee; Seemingly oblivious to everything that you just did and went through.

STOP IT!!!

You need to start to do the following ASAP!!!  You will be no good to anyone if you burn yourself out. Letting go of the reigns will be hard on you AS WELL as your partner who has become accustomed to you doing it all.....

1. Even thought you know you can handle everything, sit down with you partner and talk about dividing things up such as chores, cooking and shopping etc. Make a list, you are good at that (which you can rotate though so not one person is doing the same thing each and every week)
2. Make lunch prep a FAMILY event the NIGHT BEFORE - get everyone involved in making their own lunches. While you are at it - allow everyone to sort and fold and put away their clean laundry. Kids can do a lot more than you give them credit for. FYI folding doesn't have to be perfect, let it go.
3. Don't be so high strung on being the one to do all the Doctors/Dentist/Hair appointments - divvy them up. I know you are worried you wont get proper feedback on what the doctor actually said - don't worry you'll all live. (if super worried ask your partner to take notes, I know you are saying "Ya Right!" - again LET IT GO)
4. Rotate daycare/school drops offs, you deserve a quiet coffee in the morning too!!!
5. Treat yourself to the following recharging things at least a few times a week; Coffee with a friend, Gym time, Spa time, or if the budget just doesn't allow for those things then a nice long QUIET walk a few nights a week. Maybe around homework time (wink wink)

Remember that leaving the kids with your partner is NOT consider babysitting!! You need to take care of yourself first, then everyone else.

Relax and enjoy life as it is not a dress rehearsal, stop putting all this unnecessary pressure on yourself, it is after all self inflicted and wont get corrected unless you decide to correct it.

Believe me, BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!! Learn from my mistakes.... 

Signed, a previously burnt out Mom



I Choose the Roller Coaster Ride



by PositivePeopleArmy on April 7, 2016
 

Posted in All Posts, Army Member Posts, Heidi's Post, PPA Founders's Posts

It always starts with a feeling.
Something isn’t right, and I can’t figure out what.  I’m so anxious I can barely sit still.
It keeps me up at night, pacing and pondering. Days pass, but the feeling does not.
And then all of a sudden the answer will come to me.
The situation is always different but the conclusion I reach is always the same: I need to make a change. A big one.
Some call it intuition. I’ve followed it many times in my life, and it has never lead me astray.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself, it’s that sometimes I need to make radical changes in order to be truly happy.  I have no choice.
It can be really scary, to leave a marriage or a highly successful career, but every time I’ve followed that feeling my life has transformed for the better.
That feeling has come back. It’s tugging at my insides even as I type this.
When I launched the Positive People Army, it ignited a fire in me. I’d always known that I wanted to make a difference and spread positivity, and this blog became how I would do that. Or at least a great start.
I labeled it my Passion Project.
As the weeks passed, more and more people started reading, sharing, and following. Some folks even decided to join in and submit their own articles.
The blog was flourishing. The army was growing.
I should have felt pure joy. But the more the blog grew, the more angst I started to feel. Why did I feel this way?
Writing and sharing positive energy was exactly why I created the Positive People Army, and I was getting exactly what I wanted.
So what was I missing?
It reminded me of something that happened when my eldest son was about to turn 18.
As his birthday approached, a strange uneasiness began to come over me. I just couldn’t put my finger on why.
Then one day the answer came to me. Or rather, it was thrust into my face.
During an argument my son actually yelled, “You’re not the boss of me anymore!”
My heart sank, and I suddenly understood what had been making me so uncomfortable.
It was the thought of his impending transition into adulthood. He was going from someone who needed their mother to someone who didn’t.
Throughout Michael’s life I’ve tried my best to readjust and grow as a parent, but this particular circumstance was very different.
Since the time he was born I had made every decision in his life. I picked the food he ate and the clothes he wore. I decided which school he went to and what extracurricular activities he would enjoy.
In essence I was the manager of his life. It truly was the best job I could ever have asked for. But he no longer needed or wanted a supervisor.
I couldn’t get his words out of my head. You’re not the boss of me anymore. They echoed through my mind for days.
After many sleepless nights I finally admitted my discomfort to my husband. I told him how saddened I was to be losing Michael.
He looked at me sympathetically, held my hand and said, “Sweetheart you will never lose Michael, he loves you so much. You just need to readjust your role and probably give yourself a new title and the two of you will be just fine.”
His words hit me like a sack of bricks. He was right!
Why had I thought I would ever lose my son?  All I had to do was modify how I was parenting and give myself a new label.

With that thought I decided to retire as Manager of Michael’s Childhood. I then gave myself the fancy new title, Consultant to His Adulthood. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
And it was a simple change that worked.
Michael is now 20 years old and both of us have settled into our new roles quite well.
Remembering this moment helped me realize that maybe I needed help finding the answers, like my husband had helped me regarding Michael.
A number of days later I ran into a wonderful friend I hadn’t seen in a while. I’ve got a lot of those.
The moment she saw me she started gushing about the blog.  She shared her favourite stories and congratulated me on releasing such a positive force into the world.
I blushed and thanked her for her kind words. Then I sighed and confessed that I was feeling some unease about it, but had no idea why.
We talked about how I felt writing the posts and how much it meant to me to receive others people’s stories. She asked me what my hopes and dreams were for the Positive People Army.
Then the most amazing thing happened. I got the answer.
While I was speaking to her I unintentionally changed the mental label I had given the blog from my Passion Project to My Life’s Project.
The moment I said it I stopped myself. My entire body shuddered and I could feel goosebumps rising on my skin.
“O.M.G.” I said to her. “I think I just discovered why I’ve felt so funny. I want the blog to be more than just a hobby. I hadn’t even realized this until I said it!”
My girlfriend laughed and said, “I guess you need to start figuring out what that means and get to work on making it a reality.”
It’s terrifying to admit something like this out loud, even more so to actually write it down. But I know deep down that if I don’t, it won’t happen. Without people knowing what I want, the opportunities will never be offered to me.
I struggled to write this post for almost a week, afraid to put it out there in the universe, but I just had to do it.
And within 24 hours of me writing the first draft I was emailed and asked to do my first radio interview about the Army.  The universe had answered me in record time. It was an amazing sign and an incredible start to this journey I have ahead of me!
Once again, making a mental change had made all the difference in the world.
I realize this won’t happen overnight, and I could either be incredibly successful or fail miserably.
The way I look at it, I need to decide what kind of life I want. Do I want my life to be a carousel, going round and round in a predictable pattern? Or do I want my life to be an unpredictable roller coaster ride, joyous, scary, and beautiful?
In my heart I know there’s only one real choice. I choose the roller coaster, and I’m going to ride it with my hands up.
Watch out world, it’s time for the Positive People Army to become a phenomenon.
Join the army and let’s make a difference together!
***
Check out the CKTB Radio Interview 
To read more about the signs that have happened in my life check out “If You Build It…”
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