I can't believe I am in my mid 40's!! I feel like I was just at my mothers surprise 50th Birthday party (I remember thinking wow that is old) and yet that was some 20+ yrs ago and here I am almost 50. It feels like a blink, a dream even. Yet there were 24 hours in each day passing each week, month and year. That's about what, 175,200 hours that passed me by - wow. Did I use that time wisely? Did I make sufficient memories? Did I take "it" all in?
Where did the time go?
I will tell you where....worrying, feeling like I should do more, were the kids happy, was my husband happy, what should I make the kids for lunch today?, Would other moms approve of how I parent?, When the kids get older I'll live my life. Are there enough Christmas gifts under the tree?, I need to get rid of this 10 lbs. How are we going to afford the mortgage this month?, My in-laws, they intrude too much. When I have enough money I'll travel. Unexpected company came over and asked to use the bathroom but I hadn't cleaned it, I'm so embarrassed!, I should be more involved in my kids school. Why don't the kids and or my husband clean up after themselves, don't they now by now how "I" like things around here?, Why did I have that piece of cake?, Sex, no thanks too busy thinking about all that I have to do to be able to think about THAT!, Clean your room, another friggin sink full of dishes, really!!!, We never seem to have enough money, Did we invite enough kids to the birthday party?, Urgh, another party to host, Am I fat? and on and on and on.....You get the picture. Right?
......and you now what? I am still here - now in this very moment, despite all that worry all that doubt all the energy put into so many insignificant things, so much precious time wasted. Time passed by regardless of how I felt, regardless of how I spent it, regardless if the house was clean or not. The kids were fed, mortgages were met, Christmas was awesome, dishes got done, people used a dirty bathroom, Sex was had, other parents thought I was doing a pretty good job.
So here I am 40 (something) one kid moved out for some time now and one on the way out to College. I have a huge house filled with what, furniture, trinkets, that don't mean a dam thing!!! When all I'd love is to have more time.....more time with them, more, One more story Mommy, more I spilled my milk Mommy, I had an accident Mommy, One more kiss before bed Mommy, one more I love you Mommy.
Thank God I have had an awakening and can put all that BS aside and just focus on them, myself and my husband with a different perspective, one of clarity of what is really important and what I truly want to SPEND my time on.
Life is far too short ....
Life is far to short and far too quick you have heard this time and time again from so many people because it is TRUE! Time to stop worrying about things that don't matter one bit. Embrace the here and now, do not cry over spilled milk, spoil your spouse and not your kids, wear the nice lingerie just because, use the nice dishes, let the kids stay up and snuggle with them. Time will pass regardless and you will find yourself older and believe you me it happens in the blink of an eye.
Don't sweat the small stuff like I did. Enjoy your life for what that means to you.
How will you SPEND your time?
